Gardening Humor

Collection Notes

Your plants are doing well, but how is your gardening humor coming along?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that you must have a sense of humor. What can you do but laugh at yourself when you’ve spent the afternoon lovingly baking a pie and realize as you're about to put it on the table that you forgot the sugar? Or you park your newly washed car under a tree full of bird nests? Yes, it’s annoying, but it’s funny, too. At least, it will be funny when you tell the story in a couple of weeks. But gardening humor is different. READ MORE

Kim Mateus

Stories

The Vines in the Pines

I grew pumpkins this year. Yes, I know. I did it, anyway. Life just doesn’t seem as sweet when you only do things that make sense.  READ MORE

My Horseradish Folly

Gefilte fish is an ethnic food that originated with Jewish folk of eastern European origin. The primary ingredient is freshwater fish—pike, whitefish, carp—finely chopped by hand and formed into baseball-sized portions...  READ MORE

A Milk Can Man

Once my husband’s military tour ended, we moved from Ohio, my home state, to his, California. My folks and I then started calling each other every Sunday night at 6:00 to share news about family and friends.  READ MORE

The Hedonist’s Garden

In the Springtime, gardeners everywhere rhapsodize about that glorious season of rebirth when the earth comes alive, bursting with new vitality. This is all wonderful, but there has to be a flip side. If Spring is the time of rebirth, then Autumn must be the season of redeath.  READ MORE

Naked Ladies

There was a big commotion next door the other evening. That struck me as odd. Just minutes before, I’d had a pleasant enough conversation with my new neighbor in the checkout line at the grocery store. I’d met her and her husband a few days earlier when I went over with a fresh hummingbird cake.  READ MORE

150 Plastic Forks

I looked out over my front yard, about a quarter of an acre of gardens and woodsy areas. It was early Spring and the only thing showing, so far anyway, were my white plastic forks. We had moved from the Ontario suburbs to our country dream home the previous Summer.  READ MORE

I Always Have Tomorrow

I am a goof. Being 73 may have something to do with it, but un-fortunately, I think I’ve been rather unorganized most of my life. Take the other day. I was simply heading towards the green-house to transplant a few penstemon seedlings I had started a couple of months ago  READ MORE

10 Things I Learned from Gardening

A watched bud never blooms. And taking its picture every day doesn’t help. It’s good to let go of things that are not healthy. Bees are friends. And often funny. But wasps are jerks. Things need space to grow. Unexpected guests can be unexpected gifts.  READ MORE

Crazy Woman Potatoes

One of my earliest memories is my father using a pitchfork to remove straw that had been placed on the garden bed over Winter. He talked about new life and respecting all creatures. I was barely 3 years old.  READ MORE

Fruit of the Womb

When I think of my father, I picture him tending to his plants. Or, at least, hands on his lower back, gazing down at them. One of my most cherished childhood memories is of his evening trek out to the garden—in his underwear. Yep. Just his underwear.  READ MORE

The Metal Pig

The metal pig belonged to a neighbor. You could tell it was heavy because the wind and snow didn’t budge it. Ensconced next to a broken cherub, a squirrel, statues of cats, and even one of a rat…  READ MORE

Fall!

Most of my gardener friends work in their flowerbeds in the morning. But until I recently retired, my work schedule dictated that gardening was an evening pursuit. I would head out back after dinner to bustle among the bushes until it was too dark to spot another weed.  READ MORE

One Disastrous Mistake

Highland Lake Inn in Flat Rock, North Carolina, was built as a private home in 1845 and named Solitude. It has shed many identities, lodged its share of famous people (like Joanne Woodward), and harbored its share of spirits on its way to becoming officially “historic.”  READ MORE
drawing of person in the garden

The Obsessed Gardener

It’s hard for me to say exactly when gardening stopped being just a healthy pastime and became an all-consuming passion. One day I’m fertilizing a few tomato plants, and the next thing I know, an eighteen-wheeler is unloading 50 yards of compost for a 3,000- square-foot cutting garden.  READ MORE

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